2 Sam. 13: “David’s Son Ammon Rapes His Daughter Tamar, Then His Other Son Absalom Murders Ammon”

By

Jim Bomkamp

Back Bible Studies Home Page

1. INTRO:

1.1. In our last study, we looked at chapter 12 of the book.

1.1.1. David had committed adultery with Bathsheba and then because he was not able to cover up his sin after she became pregnant with his child, David arranged for the murder of Bathsheba’s husband, Uriah the Hittite. Then, after a year of David’s thinking that he had successfully covered up his sin of committing adultery and murder, yet all the while being wracked with guilt, he eventually confessed his sin to the Lord and repented of it when Nathan the prophet was sent to rebuke him for his sin.

1.1.2. We saw in that study that David was forgiven by the Lord of his sins, however he still would have to experience grave consequences of his sin. The baby conceived by Bathsheba would die and the sword would never leave David’s house.

1.1.3. We saw in that study that grace triumphs over judgment when a humbled repentant sinner comes to the Lord. The Lord forgave David of his sin.

1.1.4. We mentioned that though the Lord does forgive our sins and wash them away through the blood of Jesus when we finally confess and repent of them, that none-the-less that the Lord has determined that each of us shall suffer the consequences of our sin, and those consequences can turn out to be very painful for us.

1.2. In our study today, we are going to look at chapter 13 of the book.

1.2.1. In this study, we will see that the natural consequences of David’s sin begin to occur when his sons begin to imitate the things that dad has done.

1.2.1.1. David’s son Ammon rapes David’s daughter Tamar, who was a half-sister to Ammon.

1.2.1.2. Next, David’s son, Absalom, who is a full brother to Tamar and a half brother to Ammon, keeps silent and feigns having forgiven Ammon for what he has done to Tamar, however all the while plotting to murder Ammon. Then, finally after two years Absalom murders his brother Ammon for what he had done to Tamar.

1.2.1.3. Next, Absalom, has to flee to a foreign territory and hide out from justice for the murder he has committed.

1.2.1.4. We will see David doing lots of reaping the consequences of his sin, both in his character and in the circumstances he finds himself in, and we will discuss reaping and sowing and how to live for the Lord in the midst of reaping the past failures you have sown.

1.2.1.5. The apostle Paul wrote for us the following about reaping and sowing in Galatians 6:7-9, “⁷ Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap. ⁸ For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. ⁹ Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary.” Note that there are reapings to the flesh as well as reapings to the Spirit, as well as an encouragement to continue doing good.

1.2.1.5.1. Sowing to the flesh is following the old sinful nature with us and fulfilling the lusts of our flesh in disobedience to God’s commandments.

1.2.1.5.2. Sowing to the Spirit is following the leading and unction of the Holy Spirit, walking by faith and in obedience to the Lord.

1.2.1.6. It is important for us as Christians to realize that, “Every single action that we take is a seed that we sow. In time each of those seeds will grow up and reap a certain consequence in our life, either good or bad.” As Christians we must realize the importance of doing everything in our life in such a way that we will reap a harvest of righteousness, one which will bear fruit for the Lord.

1.2.1.7. Concerning sowing and reaping the great English preacher of a century and a half ago, Spurgeon, once said, “…what, man does is, of itself, full of a power which will be to him what the harvest is to the soil; and just what he sows he will be sure to reap one of these days, or eternity if not in time. If a, man were to sow his field with garlick and expect, to reap barley, he would be; bitterly disappointed. If he were to sow tares, he might pray as long as he pleased for a crop of wheat, but he would not get it. God never so changes his laws as to make tares come up wheat, and he never will. The sowing always is, and always will be, the father of the reaping.”

1.2.1.8. Note in this chapter that we never see David inquiring of the Lord as to what he should do. He appears to have wandered away in his heart from the Lord after having been forgiven by the Lord of his sin of adultery and murder. Perhaps it is just the case though that David just does not seek the Lord’s resources for his help. In this case, David ends up like those whom James wrote to when he spoke to them concerning their lack of praying, “You have not because you ask not,” ( James 4:2 ).

1.2.1.8.1. In our study, David will pay a huge price for not inquiring of the Lord before he acts.

2. VS 13:1-14 - “¹ Now it was after this that Absalom the son of David had a beautiful sister whose name was Tamar, and Amnon the son of David loved her. ² Amnon was so frustrated because of his sister Tamar that he made himself ill, for she was a virgin, and it seemed hard to Amnon to do anything to her. ³ But Amnon had a friend whose name was Jonadab, the son of Shimeah, David’s brother; and Jonadab was a very shrewd man. ⁴ He said to him, “O son of the king, why are you so depressed morning after morning? Will you not tell me?” Then Amnon said to him, “I am in love with Tamar, the sister of my brother Absalom.” ⁵ Jonadab then said to him, “Lie down on your bed and pretend to be ill; when your father comes to see you, say to him, ‘Please let my sister Tamar come and give me some food to eat, and let her prepare the food in my sight, that I may see it and eat from her hand.’ ” ⁶ So Amnon lay down and pretended to be ill; when the king came to see him, Amnon said to the king, “Please let my sister Tamar come and make me a couple of cakes in my sight, that I may eat from her hand.” ⁷ Then David sent to the house for Tamar, saying, “Go now to your brother Amnon’s house, and prepare food for him.” ⁸ So Tamar went to her brother Amnon’s house, and he was lying down. And she took dough, kneaded it, made cakes in his sight, and baked the cakes. ⁹ She took the pan and dished them out before him, but he refused to eat. And Amnon said, “Have everyone go out from me.” So everyone went out from him. ¹⁰ Then Amnon said to Tamar, “Bring the food into the bedroom, that I may eat from your hand.” So Tamar took the cakes which she had made and brought them into the bedroom to her brother Amnon. ¹¹ When she brought them to him to eat, he took hold of her and said to her, “Come, lie with me, my sister.” ¹² But she answered him, “No, my brother, do not violate me, for such a thing is not done in Israel; do not do this disgraceful thing! ¹³ “As for me, where could I get rid of my reproach? And as for you, you will be like one of the fools in Israel. Now therefore, please speak to the king, for he will not withhold me from you.” ¹⁴ However, he would not listen to her; since he was stronger than she, he violated her and lay with her.” - David’s son, Ammon, rapes his half-sister Tamar

2.1. Because of how this story follows directly upon Nathan’s rebuke of David and telling him of the consequences that he (David) would face now because of his sin of adultery with Bathsheba, and the subsequent murder of her husband, the Holy Spirit has left us no doubt that these events have occurred directly as a consequence of David’s sin.

2.2. David knew from Nathan’s rebuke that the two consequences of committing his sins was that the sword would never depart from his house and also that the baby conceived by Bathsheba would die.

2.3. When we commit sins, there will come a time when the “chickens will come home to roost,” so to speak. Having made our bed, we are going to have to sleep in it. What Moses told the people in Num. 32:22 is true for all of us concerning our own sin, “Be sure and know for your sin shall find you out.” Like gravity, sowing and reaping is a law that none can escape.

2.4. We noted previously how fortunate David was that by the grace and mercy of God that he had not had to suffer a capital sentence for murder and adultery, both of which were punishable under the Law of Moses by death. The consequences of David’s sin however were going to be grave for him, and it is so much the case that one commentator mentioned that the Lord didn’t require a capital sentence of David because simple stoning to death or hanging would not accrue nearly as much suffering as the consequences which David will now go through for the rest of his days upon the earth.

2.4.1. I don’t really agree with this notion though. I think that it is rather the case that when we as God’s children fall into sin and do things that the Lord has forbidden us to do that the Lord has planned for all eternity to use that reaping that we will experience because of that sin as a tool now to work His character into our life. The Lord is going to work His character into our lives one way or another through trials He sends our way.

2.4.1.1. Romans 5:3-5 tells us that these trials and tribulations that we experience bring about perseverance and proven ( tested and purified ) character, “³ And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; ⁴ and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; ⁵ and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.”

2.4.1.2. Therefore, God’s grace is seen even in his allowing or causing us to reap that which we have sown in those times when we have rebelled and fallen into sin, for they do perform a good work in us. In Jer. 2:19, the Lord tells the people that He will use their backslidings to correct them, “¹⁹ “Your own wickedness will correct you, And your apostasies will reprove you; Know therefore and see that it is evil and bitter For you to forsake the Lord your God, And the dread of Me is not in you,” declares the Lord God of hosts.”

2.5. Now, the difficulties that David is going to reap in his life are actually just the “natural consequences” of his actions. David’s sons are going to follow the example that their dad set when he committed adultery and murder, and the result will be great and continual grief in the heart of David.

2.5.1. I remember as a young parent realizing many times that there were things that I had let slide in my own life which were not pleasing to the Lord, and yet they really only began to truly bother me when I began to see them acted out by my son or daughter. My wife would help me out during those times when I would complain about my son’s or daughter’s behavior by saying something like, “Gee, I wonder where he got that from?” or “How are you going to tell him not to do that when you aren’t willing to stop doing it yourself?”

2.5.2. The greatest pain that many Christians experience is the grief and anguish of seeing their children following in the very footsteps that they laid out at a time in their life when they were not following the Lord, when they were rebelling against God. They are now powerless to stop what they have set in motion and they are left only to be able to pray for their son or daughter to come back to the Lord.

2.6. I see at least four ways in which Ammon’s actions in raping his half-sister involved David reaping the consequences of his sin :

2.6.1. Having so many wives and sons, plus being a king and a busy warrior all of his life, David was an “absent father.” Ammon had grown up without having both the nurturing and affection of a father nor the discipline that only a father can give. David should never have taken all of these wives because in doing so he was an absent father and as a result raised sons who were selfish, self-centered, and were used to getting their own way. Their mother probably had done the best she could do raising them, but kids ideally need both parents in order to be raised up to follow and serve the Lord.

2.6.2. Ammon is just following the actions of his dad. David, acting as king over Israel, used his power as king to obtain Bathsheba so that he could lay with her, even though he knew all along that she belonged to another man. In like manner, Ammon forced himself upon his sister Tamar to lay with her.

2.6.3. David had used deception in arranging for Joab to murder Uriah the Hittite, the husband of Bathsheba, and now with the help of his cousin Jonadab and Jonadab’s suggestion to Ammon, Ammon now uses deception to lure Tamar to his bed so that he could lay with her.

2.6.4. One of the consequences of David’s sin is that from that point on he lacks in discernment concerning other people’s true intentions. David unwittingly played a part in Ammon’s plot of seduction, and he did so because he had no discernment about Ammon’s schemes regarding his sister. Ammon’s character was well known, and David should have been more discerning and wise and realized that it might not be good for Tamar to come over and feed Ammon, who was feigning sickness and requesting pancakes that Tamar cooked.

2.7. Now, was Ammon “in love” with Tamar, his sister? No, he was “in lust” with her. He loved himself and because young Tamar was nice looking and probably shapely, he wanted her to fulfill himself and his lusts. The reasons that we know it was not true love that Ammon had for Tamar are :

2.7.1. He forced himself upon her against her will. Love thinks of the other person and what is best for the other person.

2.7.2. After laying with her ( sexual intercourse ), he hated her. She was cheapened in his eyes, damaged goods no longer being a virgin, and thus he felt that he could now never marry her.

2.8. When Ammon triest to seduce her, Tamar initially says to him that if he will just ask King David for her hand in marriage that the king would give her to him, however in Leviticus 18:11, we read that in Israel marriage to one’s brother or sister was forbidden by the Lord in His Law, “¹¹ ‘The nakedness of your father’s wife’s daughter, born to your father, she is your sister, you shall not uncover her nakedness.”

2.9. David may have accepted this request for Tamar though since it is believed that in Israel that this law was not always adhered to in this day, plus Tamar was only a half sister to Ammon. However, Ammon just wanted what pleased him right at this moment in time, he didn’t want to ask his father and then have to wait for gratification until he was married.

3. VS 13:15-18 - “¹⁵ Then Amnon hated her with a very great hatred; for the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her. And Amnon said to her, “Get up, go away!” ¹⁶ But she said to him, “No, because this wrong in sending me away is greater than the other that you have done to me!” Yet he would not listen to her. ¹⁷ Then he called his young man who attended him and said, “Now throw this woman out of my presence, and lock the door behind her.” ¹⁸ Now she had on a long-sleeved garment; for in this manner the virgin daughters of the king dressed themselves in robes. Then his attendant took her out and locked the door behind her.” - Ammon hated Tamar after he had raped her and he forced her to be thrown out of his house

3.1. Here is definitive proof that what Ammon felt for Tamar was not “love,” but rather “lust.” After Ammon had raped Tamar he suddenly hated her and didn’t want her to be around him at all. She wanted him to now to try to take her to be his wife, however having raped her in this way she was now greatly cheapened in his eyes. He had no respect for her now.

3.1.1. I believe that pre-marital sex of any kind causes a cheapening of ourselves. Sex outside of marriage causes a de-humanizing of people. There are studies out that show that contrary to popular opinion in our world that living together with someone before marriage actually causes the marriage to have less of a chance of working out.

3.2. Tamar was in utter despair feeling that her entire life now had been ruined by Ammon.

3.2.1. In Israel, if a young woman was not a virgin then she was considered used goods and parents would not arrange a marriage for their son with her.

3.2.2. Plus, if a young woman did marry claiming that she was a virgin and then it was found out by her husband after the marriage ceremony that she was not a virgin the man could have her stoned to death (Deut. 22:21).

4. VS 13:19-22 - “¹⁹ Tamar put ashes on her head and tore her long-sleeved garment which was on her; and she put her hand on her head and went away, crying aloud as she went. ²⁰ Then Absalom her brother said to her, “Has Amnon your brother been with you? But now keep silent, my sister, he is your brother; do not take this matter to heart.” So Tamar remained and was desolate in her brother Absalom’s house. ²¹ Now when King David heard of all these matters, he was very angry. ²² But Absalom did not speak to Amnon either good or bad; for Absalom hated Amnon because he had violated his sister Tamar.” - Absalom meets Tamar and finds out what Ammon has done to her and he tells her to not say anything to anyone about it

4.1. Absalom perceives that Tamar has slept with his brother, Ammon, against her will, and he immediately begins to plot how he will murder his brother. However, in order to disguise his plan he just tells Tamar to be quiet about her being raped, and after this he does not say a word to Ammon, good or bad.

4.2. Notice here that King David also finds out about the fact that his son Ammon has raped his daughter Tamar. David becomes angry at Ammon however he does not discipline his son for having committed this sin that was to be punishable by death under the Law of Moses.

4.3. Because David did not punish his son Ammon for this crime of rape, he ends up becoming a party to Absalom’s murder of Ammon.

4.3.1. Not disciplining Ammon will cause David to reap further consequences of his sin.

4.4. But, why did David not discipline his son Ammon for committing this horrible crime?

4.4.1. David had excused his own sin regarding his taking advantage of Bathsheba thus in the same fashion he excused the sin of his son.

4.4.2. It is easier to excuse someone else who has committed a horrible act if you have done the same type of things yourself. Because of David’s committing of adultery and murder he is no longer able to function effectively either as King over Israel or as a father in his own household. He cannot carry out justice fairly or effectively.

4.4.3. David was an indulgent father, this was a personal weakness of his. David hadn’t learned from the mistakes of others before him :

4.4.3.1. Ely the high priest who had not judged his two sons after they were guilty of bribing the people and laying with the women that came to the altar.

4.4.3.2. Samuel had also not disciplined his sons as he should have done and they were very corrupt and made Israel stumble.

4.5. We as parents and even leaders in the church must learn from David’s failure here that even though we may have sinned ourselves in the past in certain areas, that we still must be objective and discipline those under our authority who should fall into those same sins. Certainly, if we ourselves have been in that same position we will have compassion upon a wayward son, daughter, or parishioner, however we must not refuse to discipline those who sin in the same ways in which we have sinned.

5. VS 13:23-29 - “²³ Now it came about after two full years that Absalom had sheepshearers in Baal-hazor, which is near Ephraim, and Absalom invited all the king’s sons. ²⁴ Absalom came to the king and said, “Behold now, your servant has sheepshearers; please let the king and his servants go with your servant.” ²⁵ But the king said to Absalom, “No, my son, we should not all go, for we will be burdensome to you.” Although he urged him, he would not go, but blessed him. ²⁶ Then Absalom said, “If not, please let my brother Amnon go with us.” And the king said to him, “Why should he go with you?” ²⁷ But when Absalom urged him, he let Amnon and all the king’s sons go with him. ²⁸ Absalom commanded his servants, saying, “See now, when Amnon’s heart is merry with wine, and when I say to you, ‘Strike Amnon,’ then put him to death. Do not fear; have not I myself commanded you? Be courageous and be valiant.” ²⁹ The servants of Absalom did to Amnon just as Absalom had commanded. Then all the king’s sons arose and each mounted his mule and fled.” - Absalom carries out the murder of his brother Ammon

5.1. Absalom had not spoken a word to Ammon, either good or bad, nor had he spoken evil to others about Ammon for the two years since Ammon had raped his sister Tamar. Therefore, Absalom thought that now he could successfully execute his plan to murder his brother, and he pulled it off.

5.2. Another consequence of David’s sin is seen here in that just as David used trickery and scheming to arrange the murder of Uriah the Hittite, the husband of Bathsheba, so now Absalom uses trickery to carry out the murder of his brother Ammon.

5.3. In Israel in this day the yearly time of sheapshearing was a big festive event for the communities. Absalom thought that he would not arouse any suspicion if he planned to have all of his brothers come to his house during this time. Then, he could have opportunity to have Ammon murdered.

5.4. David now becomes a party to the murder of Ammon by allowing Ammon to go to Baal-hazer to Absalom for a sheapshearing. Absalom strongly urges David to allow Ammon to come with the rest of his brothers to this sheapshearing, and though David was initially suspicious that something might be up he eventually gives in and allows Ammon to go to Absalom for this get together.

5.5. There is yet another consequence of David’s sin here in that David lacks discernment and allows Ammon to go to Absalom for a sheepshearing.

5.6. Also, if David had just inquired to the Lord about whether or not Ammon should go to Absalom, the Lord would have told him that Ammon should not go.

6. VS 13:30-33 - “³⁰ Now it was while they were on the way that the report came to David, saying, “Absalom has struck down all the king’s sons, and not one of them is left.” ³¹ Then the king arose, tore his clothes and lay on the ground; and all his servants were standing by with clothes torn. ³² Jonadab, the son of Shimeah, David’s brother, responded, “Do not let my lord suppose they have put to death all the young men, the king’s sons, for Amnon alone is dead; because by the intent of Absalom this has been determined since the day that he violated his sister Tamar. ³³ “Now therefore, do not let my lord the king take the report to heart, namely, ‘all the king’s sons are dead,’ for only Amnon is dead.”” - King David initially receives word that Absalom has struck down all of the king’s sons, then he is finally told that only his son Ammon is dead

6.1. A false report can really devastate a person. David was originally told that all of his sons were dead, and this was almost too much grief for him to bear.

6.1.1. When you give someone news, especially very disturbing and bad news, it is important to get the facts straight but also to be sensitive to the one whom you are giving the news to, in other words be careful “how you tell them.” Be compassionate.

6.2. Jonadab gets the story straight for David, only Ammon has been killed. However, we see also here that Jonadab had been walking around with the knowledge that Absalom had been planning the death of Ammon for a long time.

6.3. I’m sure that King David was not at all happy right at this moment with Jonadab for not informing him of Absalom’s intent to kill his brother. Jonadab may even have feared for his life for not having told King David of Absalom’s intent.

7. VS 13:34-36 - “³⁴ Now Absalom had fled. And the young man who was the watchman raised his eyes and looked, and behold, many people were coming from the road behind him by the side of the mountain. ³⁵ Jonadab said to the king, “Behold, the king’s sons have come; according to your servant’s word, so it happened.” ³⁶ As soon as he had finished speaking, behold, the king’s sons came and lifted their voices and wept; and also the king and all his servants wept very bitterly.” - David’s sons return from Absalom and then David, all of David’s servants, and David’s surviving sons weep over the death of Ammon

8. VS 13:37-39 - “³⁷ Now Absalom fled and went to Talmai the son of Ammihud, the king of Geshur. And David mourned for his son every day. ³⁸ So Absalom had fled and gone to Geshur, and was there three years. ³⁹ The heart of King David longed to go out to Absalom; for he was comforted concerning Amnon, since he was dead.” - Absalom flees to Talmai, the king of Geshur and David mourns for his son

8.1. There is seen in these verses a consequence of David’s sin in multiplying wives to himself. In 2 Sam. 3:1-5, we read about the sons of David and who among his harem they were born to and we discovered then that Absalom, the son that will be such a thorn in David's side when he tries to take away the kingdom from his father, was born from a wife taken by David named Maacah, the daughter of Talmai, King of Geshur.  She was a wife taken in an attempt at making a political alliance with one of the enemies of Israel, yet this was forbidden in Deut. 7:3 and 17:17.

8.2. Now, we see that Absalom has fled to the home and people of his mother, to Geshur. There, he knows that he will be safe from the blood avenger for his brother’s murder.

8.3. As we consider now this man Absalom, though we know from the scriptures that he was very handsome and perhaps charismatic, there really is nothing that we can see that is redeeming about his character. Arthur Pink calls him, “one of the most despicable, vile and God-abandoned characters whose record is chronicled in the Scritpures.” We will see in the next chapter how that Absalom creates an insurrection to take the throne away from his father, and in doing so produces for David his greatest grief.

8.4. But, David loved Absalom greatly. Both Absalom and his sister Tamar were very attractive people, and I just wonder if all along David had in mind handing his kingdom over not to Ammon, the eldest son who in Israelite culture would normally receive the inheritance, but to Absalom. Now, David knows that Absalom cannot legitimately be made king over Israel, and he may have been greatly disappointed about this.

8.5. David longed for Absalom however. After awhile David got over the grieving for his dead son, Ammon, and now he wanted to be reunited with his son Absalom. We will look at what develops about this in our next study.

9. CONCLUSIONS:

9.1. As we look at the huge consequences that David had to pay for his sin of committing adultery and murder, each of us ought to learn to flee any potential temptation to fall into sin. We should never want to have to suffer the heartache and grief that David experienced the rest of his life after his affair with Bathsheba.

9.2. It is so important to flee from those temptations that we experience and not play around with them. Those who play with fire always eventually end up being burned, and lust is a fire that we cannot control or quench in our own strength.

9.3. If we find ourselves reaping one thing after another that we have sown walking in the flesh in disobedience to God, to get out of that cycle we’ve simply got to repent of our sins and re-submit our lives to the Lord and put Him back upon the throne of our life. Only then will the process begin to reverse and we will begin in time to reap good things for our actions.

9.4. We as God’s people need to learn from David’s failures and deal with the situations in our life as best as we can, even as we are reaping the consequences from our past sin.

9.4.1. David didn’t inquire of the Lord concerning the decisions he made and suffered greatly as a result ( no discernment ). Learn to pray about everything before acting, every single decision.

9.4.2. David didn’t continue to discipline his kids, especially when they committed the same sins he had committed. Learn to be consistent in disciplining your children. You don’t have to be harsh in discipline, just consistent in correcting their behavior.

9.4.3. David was an indulgent and thus an ineffective father. Realize that God placed you as a parent to raise up your children to walk in obedience to the Lord. It is true that if you, “spare the rod you will spoil the child.”

Back Bible Studes Home Page