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1 Peter 3 "In the Same Way"
Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. Do not let your adornment be merely outward--arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel-- rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. (1Peter 3:1-6)
Before we go into this, let me read what Peter writes to the husbands.
Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.
And to all of us in the church,
Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous; not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing. (1Peter 3:7-9)
These are very important words for our relationships with
each other. Not just for husbands and wives but for all of us as Christians.
Let me call your attention to the word that follows “Wives”,
that follows “Husbands”. It is the word “Likewise”.
It means “in the same way.” But in the same way as what?
When I read this before I always thought that this meant in the same
way as the wives submit, husbands should give honor. But this is not
it at all, you see I was focussing in on the husbands and not really
looking at what it said for the wives. I didn’t read it carefully
because in the back of my mind I was thinking that it doesn’t
really apply to me. But the word, “likewise” also occurs
right after “Wives” as well. So who are they submitting
in the same way as? Look back at 2:21 “For to this you were called,
because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you
should follow His steps:” What is this example? 2:23, “who,
when reviled, did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not
threaten, but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously;”
So what the “likewise” in chapter 3 means is that we are
to submit and honor in the same way that Jesus submitted and honored.
I have heard many times about partnership in marriage, using these verses.
The teachers say “look, each side of the marriage needs to love
the other and the marriage will work.” The implication is that
if one side is not living up to their duty, the marriage will fail.
But I can tell you from experience that marriage does not work that
way. Even in the best marriage there are days when one or the other
of the partners does not feel loving toward their spouse. And Peter
is talking about marriages where the husband was an unbeliever. Peter
is not teaching us to look at marriage like a contract. If we look at
it that way, our attitude will always be like this, “I am trying
so hard to honor her, why doesn’t she submit like she should?”
or “I am trying so hard to submit to him, but why doesn’t
he honor me?” This attitude quickly goes one step further, “Well,
if he is not going to honor me, then I’m sure not going to submit!”
But you see we are forgetting again about the likewise. We must submit
and honor “in the same way” as Jesus, who when reviled,
did not revile in return: who when He suffered, did not threaten. You
see the love of Jesus is a one-way, against the current kind of love.
Wives, if you submit like Jesus, you are willing to suffer unjustly.
Submission does not mean that you are willing to agree with your husband
when you think he is right. It means that when he is at his worst, insensitive,
grouchy, uncaring, selfish, you do not threaten to divorce him, or leave
him, but instead respond with a gentle and quiet spirit.
And husbands if you honor your wives in the same way as Jesus, then
when she is at her most critical, when you come home and she bombards
you with all your faults, when she nags and complains and wears you
out with criticism, you do not respond with complaints of your own,
but instead respond by lifting her up, encouraging her, pointing out
her excellent qualities. Putting her, like a delicate glass flower vase
up on the top shelf, the place of honor, so that she won’t get
knocked over and broken. This is not putting her on a pedestal, idolizing
her, denying that she has any faults whatsoever. Rather it is carefully
protecting her in your own heart when her faults are only all too obvious.
You might say, “If I do that then she is going to keep nagging
me forever.” “If I submit, then he is going to walk all
over me.” Look back at verse 2:23, Jesus “committed Himself
to Him who judges righteously.” As the psalms says, “Trust
in Him” This is not just for husbands and wives. All of us are
to be tenderhearted toward each other, not returning evil for evil,
but on the contrary blessing. Put yourself in the care of God and follow
the example of Christ.
For “He who would love life and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips from speaking deceit. Let him turn away from evil and do good; Let him seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and His ears are open to their prayers; But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.” (1Peter 3:10-12)
Here Peter is quoting from the same psalm that says “Taste and see that the Lord is good, Blessed is the man who puts his trust in Him.“ (Psalm 34:8) Folks, the root of most problems in a marriage, in a friendship, in a church, is that little thing in your mouth called a tongue. David tells us that we can choose to use it for one of two things. We can either use it for tasting, or use it for evil. We can enjoy the delicious goodness of the Lord, or we can talk about the badness of others. Remember, it is hard to talk with your mouth full. If you are tasting the goodness of God it is difficult to accuse others. If you are trusting in Him, then the shortcomings and failures of others are not as important. This teaching has a promise attached to it. “He who would love life and see good days”.
And who is he who will harm you if you become followers of what is good? But even if you should suffer for righteousness sake, you are blessed. “ And do not be afraid of their threats, nor be troubled.” But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts, and always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear; having a good conscience, that when they defame you as evildoers, those who revile your good conduct in Christ may be ashamed. For it is better, if it is the will of God, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil. (1Peter 3:13-18)
You see what happens when we imitate Jesus. When we suffer
meekly, instead of threatening, when we return words of kindness and
praise, instead of accusation and criticism, we throw the world off
balance. I once saw Mainoumi the littlest sumo wrestler perform this
kind of move. This wrestler is amazing because here he is, about my
heigth (5’8”) competing with these huge men. Of course he
is much, much stronger than I am. But at the beginning of the match
both sumo wrestlers start with their hands on the floor and at the signal
they lunge powerfully at each other, each seeking to gain the upper
hand. However as the huge wrestler towering over Mainoumi surged forward,
the little wrestler swiftly jumped back, the opposite direction. The
larger man, expecting to catch Mainoumi, but only catching air, stumbled
and with a slap to the back Mainoumi forced his opponent to the ground.
The world is ready for the counterattack. They expect us to return evil
for evil. They expect us to want to get even. They are looking for the
charge and the opposite move always takes them by surprise. And as they
look at us in disbelief, as we suffer meekly, pray for our enemies,
go the extra mile, turn the other cheek, the question raises up in their
hearts, “Why?” “Why are you doing this for me?”
And then we have the wonderful task of explaining the good news, we
can give the greatest gift of love to those who are persecuting us the
worst. This is how we love “in the same way” that Jesus
does.
“For Christ also suffered once for sins, the just for the unjust,
that He might bring us to God.”
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