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Words that Hurt and Words that Heal Proverbs 15 July 4, 2004 Background A. Pro-verba: words that are positive; words that instruct; words that bring us up. The person who wrote, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me,” lied. B. Words often carry more than the definition alone. They sometimes carry double meanings and contextual meaning and historical meaning. They can be enhanced by vocal tone and facial expressions. They are all interpreted by our brains subjectively using our life experiences and emotional events to define them. C. “A man has joy by the answer of his mouth, and a word spoken in due season, how good it is!” (v. 23) D. Scripture forbids some kinds of speech: a. "vain babblings" (1 Timothy 6:20, 2 Timothy 2:16), b. "evil communications" (1 Corinthians 15:33), c. "filthy communication out of your mouth" (Colossians 3:8)? E. Scripture encourages other kinds of speech: a. Psalms, hymns, spiritual songs b. That which is good for edification that it may minister grace to the hearer F. This could be a really condemning sermon if we based it on what James tells us about the tongue and its power to wound. My intent today is to remind us all as we approach the Table of Communion about the importance of watching our words, seeking to do good with our words and being quick to apologize when we fail. I. Words that Wound · e.g. A marriage surprise: my witty remarks often wounded · Proverbs 18:21, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue..." A. Harsh words stir up anger (1-2) 1. Natural reaction in the brain: go on alert to sharp sounds e.g. of the hornets and the vibrator chair 2. Even if you are able to “consider the source” it is difficult to go against the hard wiring we have that God put there to protect us. Still it is important to understand that even the wounded person has accountability for how they react to harsh words. 3. Harsh words come in three forms a. Harsh tones that turn even soft words into stones b. Harsh words said in kind tones c. Harsh words said in harsh tones 4. READ 1-2 soft answer is using knowledge rightly; but the harsh word is just pouring forth foolishness 5. Consider your purpose: if it is to be heard, don’t set the brain up to defend against you. 6. How are we to react to those who are harsh? 1 Peter 2:18 – 3:7 (Blesses and not curse… it is God’s will and we are following Jesus’ example) B. Perverseness in the tongue breaks the spirit (4) 1. this is that word for crooked or bent I spoke to you about last week 2. “You hurt me… I hurt you” C. Treasuring trouble (6) 1. Matt. 12:35-37 “A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good things, and an evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth evil things. But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.” D. Words that stir up strife (18) 1. If anger is behind it – it’s a “wrathful man” or woman… 2. “Where there is no wood, the fire goes out; And where there is no talebearer, strife ceases. As charcoal is to burning coals, and wood to fire, So is a contentious man to kindle strife.” (Pro. 26:20-21) 3. Of all the things that can be said about words that wound, I think it most appropriate to observe that any fool can hurt and wound, but it takes a wise man to heal. Let’s talk about healing words. II. Words that Heal A. Inventory the good things good words can do · Pro. 12:18 “The tongue of the wise is health” 1. Turns away wrath (v. 1) 2. Tree of life (4)… e.g. the fig tree that didn’t have fruit… 3. Treasure in a righteous house (6) 4. Disperses knowledge (7) 5. Prays and delights the Lord (8) 6. Merry heart (self-talk) makes a cheerful face (13) 7. Slow to anger allays contention (18) 8. Word spoken in season, “How good it is” B. Invest good words in others 1. Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one. (Col. 4:6) 2. “The lips of the righteous know what is acceptable” Pro. 10:32 3. “Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, Sweetness to the soul and health to the bones.” (Pro. 16:24) 4. People will forget what you do and what you say but will remember how you made them feel. 5. There is no doubt now about the true physical impact on people that our words have. Norman Cousins awoke us to the fact that attitude does affect our immune systems. That comes from how we speak to ourselves about the ourselves and the world. That is formed by what we hear others say about us. III. Some Observations On Words A. Guard your hearts. Jesus said they come from the abundance of our hearts (Luke 6:43-45) “For a good tree does not bear bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. For every tree is known by its own fruit. For men do not gather figs from thorns, nor do they gather grapes from a bramble bush. A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.” B. Guard your lips. Too many words are trouble (Pro. 10:19) 1. Everyone has trouble with their speech (James 3:2) 2. Pro. 17:28 “Even a fool is counted wise when he holds his peace; When he shuts his lips, he is considered perceptive.” C. Guard one another. 1. Love covers a multitude of sins but a loose tongue causes a world of hurt (Pro. 10:12) 2. “Faithful are the wounds of a friend.” Words for instruction and not for destruction…” Eph. 4:29-32 “Therefore, putting away lying, “Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor,” for we are members of one another. “Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil. Let him who stole steal no longer, but rather let him labor, working with his hands what is good, that he may have something to give him who has need. Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.”
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